Sunday, March 8, 2009

Inside My Head


The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. To some this is a "bad" thing. To others; including myself, its just a thing. It's a part of life for me now. I used to want to get rid of it, until I did get rid of it and realized I was losing a part of my Self that created my artistic hunger and expression.

Yesterday was filled with confusion and some frustration in the morning as I battled it out with a close friend attempting to justify my insecurities. It's so funny to me how we human beings argue. We will consider someone ignorant because they judge, yet in that same moment we are judging them. We will get frustrated with someone for being sensitive, yet in that same argument we ourselves are being sensitive to their feelings. We are all hypocrites I see. So ugly to hear at first, but in my opinion, so true. Otherwise, what would we be angry about? What could we see in another that we have not experienced ourselves? So, in my opinion, we are only able to see in others what we have had or are longing for. I don't own that opinion, just something I subscribe to. Each individual in our life is holding up a mirror. We can see us. That is it. This has been proven to me many times by listening to what individuals critique another on. "They are so insecure and gossipy." Turn that right back around and what have you got? They are speaking of themselves.

What's my point?

Who knows.

I guess I'm babbling about my situations and viewpoints before you join me on this three month excursion so you can get to know inside Jojo's crazy brain. Some would say I have a unique stance on the human experience. I guess. You choose.

What goes up, must come down. (learned by Mom on Shockwave, Kings Dominion)

At the end of my evening on Friday night I was beyond blessed to be able to teach at Culture Shock DC's rehearsal. CSDC is and has been my family. They are the family I choose. My blood family is my blood family, and CSDC embraces me in a different way. Not better, different. I love them. We were able to dance, and share. At the end of the lesson we formed a large 30 person circle, and each person went in one at a time and expressed themselves through music. They made shapes, they stopped thinking, they got lost in the moment. Everyone did so differently. At the end I pushed everyone in so they were all dancing simultaneously. I stepped back and looked at the undulation of bodies. It was this huge ball of positivity and energy and love. Unexplainable. I almost cried. Life is grand.

This morning, starting the day off on little sleep I went to La Madaleine in Oldtown with Joni (my best friend aka Bestie) and met up with Celine who is an old CSDC family member. We laughed and shared and ate yummy food.

It was nice weather today, and I called the folks hoping to get a run through on how to open the convertible top. It has been a dream of mine since I was knee high to a tall Indian to drive a convertible. Today was that day!! Can you say camera phone?? Anyhizzle, I was loving it!! I drove around all day with my cool shades and my collar popped and radio too loud. From there, I met up with Ally. Ally is a young girl I've mentored for a few years. 16 going on 134 years old. Without exposing TMI she battles finding a place to call home and feeling safe within it. It's always good to hug her and hope to give her hope. Next, get my hair done. Perfect. Then, otw to eat a fabulous dinner with my parents a beautiful thing occurred. I screamed and cheered at the top of my lungs with the top down on the GW parkway in the dark of the evening. Crazy right? Who cares. It felt amazing. Brisk air hitting a little too chilly, and me, reveling at the silliness of life and dismissing all I worry about. Shouting and laughing at the top of my lungs by myself in my fancy little convertible. mmmm... Yummy food at Landini's with the folks. However, on the way there, I got lost. I don't want to talk about it. It was not during or caused by the screaming portion of this drive.

Came home, changed, off again to a club in NW, DC. Absolutely amazing. I'm exhausted but I just had to share. I wish that everyone could experience the club life how I do atleast just once. To go to a club wearing sweats and a t-shirt, where people know your name. Where the DJ somehow downloaded your top 25 on your IPOD, and you are so connected with God that you danced like you've never danced before. You hug people you've never met, you love people with no names, you leave drenched and thirsting for more. It's enriching.

And those were my two days.

My knee hurts. Left one.

I teach in B-more tomorrow. Hoping/praying that its healed. I believe all of our physical illnesses stem from emotional dis-ease. I hope to resolve this one. Something to do with tribe.

Loving life, and loving that I'm loving life.

Thanks for reading.
jojo

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